sexta-feira, dezembro 17, 2010

on trusting

Although the term "confidence" would be more appropriate - for a belief in the competence of the other party -, usually it comes related with relationships between humans as a part of social groups.
Sometimes, as humans, we tend to have trouble in letting go when empty places appear because something or someone has disappeared, and at times like that we (also) often tend to 'stay' in the place where things are comfortably (numb) and therefore used to be normal, even if that so called normality - often unconsciously translated as a Natural State Of Existence - is already rotten and letting go is the only road to follow, a road that we know we've visited before, that we already know but each time we go back to it:

Mike Walters: I always know where I am by the way that the road looks. Like I just know that I've been here before. I just know that I've been stuck here, like this one fucking time before, you know that? Yeah. There's not another road anywhere that looks like this road - I mean, exactly like this road. It's one kind of place. One of a kind... like someone's face...

[cracks neck]

Mike Waters: like a fucked up face.

My Own Private Idaho, Gus Van Sant (1991)

Lately I've felt my own existence as a mass of cumulative responsabilities that are not only my own but that belong to others too, and I question this ability that we have in becoming trustors and trustees, placing life itself as a bunch of random separate lives, nurturing a confidence that proves to be as flawless as human behaviour itself.
Do we live in the middle of this universal contract where we do not control anything and if someone fails then, suddently, nothing is anymore what it seemed to be before; and if that happens what chances do we have?! What is expected to do next?

Erykah Badu:

They play it safe, and are quick to assassinate, what they do not understand, they move in packs, ingesting more and more fear in every act of fear on one another, they feel most comfortable in groups, less guilt to swallow, they are us, this is what we have become, afraid to respect the individual. A single person with inner circumstance can move one to change to love our-self and evolve.

in Window Seat

Sometimes I just find it very hard - harder than growing up into adulthood, which for me does not necessarily brings such kind of responsability - this responsability towards the others, of handling something that extends beyond and away from myself, and the fear of failure grows stronger. (Of not being able to give back what is expected from me.)

Either way... "Vámonos" (Chavela Vargas)

People are strange and not everyone goes well together, but even in that case I believe in this big universal network of existences and different wills that, all combined, together make the world what it is nowadays.
Like Chavela sings in Vámonos, we don't forget people that once made part of our lives due to this strange feeling called love but "we'll go to somewhere, perpetuating this universal "soap opera" love story, where nobody tells us what to do anymore, far away from the world where there are no laws, no justice, no nothing... We're not the same, but we don't care!"

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