segunda-feira, março 14, 2011

yes, I still dreamed (...)

The divorce between my life and my dreams I came, through Professor Bulgaraux's instruction, to see precisely as a result of this thing - call it personality, character - which everyone around me seemed to cultivate and take pride in. I concluded that "personality" is simply the result of being off balance. We have "characters" because we have not found our center of gravity. A personality is, at best, a way of meeting the problem of imbalance. But the problem remains. We do not accept ourselves for what we are, we retreat from our real selves, and then erect a personality to bridge the gap.
But how to escape having a personality?
Nevertheless, I understood why sexuality, like crime, is an imperishable resource of the impersonal. Properly performed, these acts do blunt the sense of self. It is, I think, because the end is fixed: in sexuality, the orgasm; in crime, the punishment. One become free precisely through those acts which have as inescapable end.
Tears are serious; one can collect them in a jar. But dreams, like a smile is pure air. Dreams, like smiles, fade rapidly.
But what if the face faded away and the smile remained?
What if life on which the dreams fed withered, and the dreams flourished? Why, one would really be free then, really lightened of one's burdens. Nothing can compare with it.
I am surprised dreams are not oulawed. What a promise the dream is! How delightful! How private! And one needs no partner, one need not enlist the cooperation of anyone, female or male. Dreams are the onanism of the spirit.

in, "The Benefactor" (Susan Sontag)

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