quarta-feira, julho 11, 2012

being part of the family

Here I am... In Italy, trying to figure it all out. People often say that you have to step out of your confort zone in order to find yourself, and although that wasn't one of my main goals that's also one of the things that I keep wondering about. What AM I DOING HERE?
I guess the answer is not something you could easily answer. Yesterday, in between talks, someone said that there is no right answer for that, that you just have to wait and see what comes out of it.
I feel like I'm part of this random family that keeps changing ever since I became part - or felt like it - of the LaMaMa family in NY.
I guess things happen to you if you fight for them, and specially if you let yourself be free enough to keep the flow of events happening after you've made all arrangements for something new to happen, when you create the environment where new things can happen. That's how I feel right now, all together with a feeling of unaccomplishment which I still haven't figured out what it is indeed, or what makes me feel that way.
I guess it has nothing to do with the ability of meeting new and interesting people, because fortunately - once again - that's happening here, being surrounded by people that are part of that ever floating family that keeps shifting and that changed in the last few months my feeling of belonging; it's not about feeling that I don't belong anywhere, it's about changing values and goals of what I believe that will make me feel that I'm living a full and enjoyable life.

HAPPINESS VS. JOY... I wonder.

... and it's wonderful, to feel as part of a bigger family tahn just your own, and at the same time there something to it of belonging to a bigger unknown thing, something you can't control...

Almost a year ago I had no idea that 2012 would be the year where so many things were about to change, and maybe that (?) keeps looking like an obstacle instead of me looking at it as an opportunity, a window to bigger picture that I knew I wanted to happen but that I wasn't ready to deal with it considering that all of this information has brought me to this place in life where the only thing I know is taht I don't don't nothing and that 'certainties' are (logical) fallacies you build in order to know the world as a safe place where you are allowed to habit and change as you may please. So you surround yourself with questions that will keep on building those fallacies and drive rationally through life, and inside I always feel that there's an insticnt which I let my self follow and from which I take so many risks which as soon as take them I question them, bringing myself to the same place where I was before - always a new before, a before that keeps changing, mutating...

considering the present moment, I feel that I am enjoyning this new before, and that I would stop questioning it since whatever it was that brought me here is in fact what I want and where I need to be.

1 comentário:

hugo disse...

can i ask an important thing now?